I’m all packed and ready to go, 3 hours left at work and then I’m offski. I’m going home!!!!!!
At this precise moment I’m bobbing up and down in my chair like a crazy thing with a slightly deranged manic grin on my face and everyone in the office thinks I’m a nutter but I couldn’t care less because I’M GOING HOME!!!!!!!!

Isn’t packing a nightmare. That was a statement not a question because it is, it’s an absolute nightmare but that’s probably just because I’m so bad at it. I always take far too much because you never know what you might need and there is nothing worse than needing something and not having it like one time I forgot my hair straighteners, whoah! Don’t panic, I bought some more!
For some reason I always forget to pack underwear and I end up having to buy some but this time I have made sure I have plenty knickers so there you go, I’m all sorted.
I’m also slightly worried about the shoe situation, I have only brought 3 pairs of boots and some going out shoes but I’m there for a week and I don’t know if this will be enough and I really wanted to bring my new wedge suede shoes but I don’t think they will fit in the case and you can’t really wear them in winter anyway……but they’re so pretty!
Anyway, I know I have forgotten something.

Hubby has had to go and buy another case, he has been instructed to get a red one on wheels but I bet you anything he comes back with one of these ugly black bag things you sling over your shoulder.

Isn’t it typical, we choose probably the worst day of the year to drive 6 hours to Scotland. I don’t care because I’M GOING HOME and if you think I’m excited now just wait till tomorrow when I’m getting on that ferry. My da is making me a massive pan of chicken soup. That’s the routine when I get home, 3 plates of chicken soup and then rummage through my sisters wardrobe.
The best part is we still have all our presents up there to open, it’s like having another Christmas.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’M GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!

So far this morning I have managed to get up 45 minutes later than I intended to, spill a can of Pepsi all over my hall carpet and lose control of the back end of my car going round a corner (sodding snow).
The bit between Christmas and New Year is rubbish especially when you have to work, well technically I’m not actually doing much work but that’s not the point. It’s freezing in this office, the air conditioning has gone a bit mental and is constantly blowing out cold air so we are all sitting here in coats and scarves and to top it all of when I got here my boss says “Oh, I didn’t think you were in till the 10th”, well if I had sodding known that I wouldn’t have bothered dragging my sorry ass out of bed this morning!

Still, mustn’t moan, we had a fantastic Christmas and even though it wasn’t spent with my family, well in laws are your family but not properly if you know what I mean, it was still nice and we all got loads and loads of gorgeous presents, I got my new bling bling watch, I love that Santa, love him, love him, love him!
We actually did get loads of presents and if I stop and think about it, it actually makes me ashamed about how much I take for granted so am feeling quite thankful and ashamed of my self for being a spoilt little brat.

On the subject of being spoilt, oh my goodness, the sales! Boxing Day is even better than Christmas day because it’s just sales, everywhere you look, its ace. I got a really cool little furry jacket and some gorgeous skinny jeans and a couple of tops and an angora jumper and these gorgeous sparkly earrings and other stuff that’s still in the bags and I can’t quite remember what they are but everything was reduced. I saved a fortune!!
You would think hubby would be grateful me being so frugal and all but he seems to think I went a bit mad. He’s wrong of course, it’s actually quite sensible when you think about it, it’s forward planning. So I might not need all this stuff now, but I’m bound to, eventually, so best buy it now while it’s cheap heh!

Am driving to Scotland tomorrow, oh happy day! Am spending tomorrow night in Inverness and then over to Stornoway on the ferry on Friday night, happy, happy day!

Am so excited I could burst!

Have just been out for lunch and everyone is soooo in the Christmas spirit, its ace! Christmas is brilliant. I love it on Christmas morning when everybody sits around opening their present, I love the look on people’s faces, I love giving presents, I love getting them even more but I love giving them.

I love turkey, Eastenders on Christmas day, eating to much chocolate, Bucks Fizz in the morning, crackers with rubbish jokes, stupid paper hats, The Wizard of Oz, going to sleep on Christmas Eve and being so excited, Mini Man waking me up in the morning absolutely bursting to open his presents, pretending to Hubby that I haven’t already found and peeked at my pressies, cold turkey sandwiches at night, I love it, love it, love it!

I hope y’all have an absolutely fantastic Christmas. X

Last night I spent ages wrapping all my Christmas presents. I am so proud of myself because there is a whole week to go and I am totally organised. This has never happened before and it’s feels kind of weird.
My dining room has completely been taken over by presents and cards and a big stupid tree and sure, it’s a novelty now but pretty soon it’s going to start doing my head in. Big time!

I didn’t even get to watch lost because I was so engrossed in wrapping stuff up, I did however have one eye on some stupid documentary entitled Does God Exist. Duh! Yes!

It all started off so well, I had presents all laid out in piles to be wrapped, you couldn’t even see the floor and Hubby was all “Can I help, I will do some” and I was all “Clear off, You’re in my way” and a couple of hours later when I had sellotape in my hair and paper cuts on my fingers I was screaming at him “ARE YOU NOT GOING TO HELP THEN”!!!

But it’s done and I am all organised and feeling very smug except that I have run out of Christmas cards and I forgot that I had to buy a present for Mini Man’s teacher and the lovely girlies at his after school club so I am not quite as organised and smug as I thought I was.

We had a brilliant girlie night on Friday. By the time we came home we all looked a bit like Christmas trees. Sarah and Lisa were covered in tinsel and I had a Santa hat on that I nicked from some guy in the pub that I thought we knew and had been speaking to earlier whilst trying to swipe his hat but turns out it was a total stranger and a totally different hat but bless him, he let me have it anyway. I think he was a wee bit scared of us.
My phone wasn’t charged either so I had it switched off and therefore didn’t text everyone I know telling them how much I loved them and….drum roll please…..no drunken message on the internet……ta da……. so pretty much a successful night in all.

And I didn’t go near one shop all weekend apart from when I had to run out for more Christmas cards (and I still have managed to run out) and I bought the coolest pair of slippers in the world, they are all sheepskin and fur trimmed and they look like Ugg boots and I want to wear them all the time because they are just ace and they look like Ugg boots!!

This afternoon am doing work stuff. Am swotting up on Arson Task Forces and it’s actually quite interesting but you know, it’s Friday afternoon for pete’s sake!

Girlie night out tonight! Yay, cocktails and bad behaviour!

Once upon a time there was a wicked king and he married a beautiful princess and stole her away from her kingdom to live in his where there were no mountains or heather or anything remotely nice at all and she cried and cried all the time because she missed the magical kingdom she came from so much and then he tried to make her go to a nasty nasty place on Christmas eve where she knew there would be lots of witches and trolls and evil people who gobble up children!

Hubby, that’s all I’m saying! I know you are reading this……get it sorted!

Hubby bought me a surprise Christmas present and my Da totally busted him. I already knew the rest of what he bought me because I chose it myself, left to his own devices he would have produced something that was very very wrong.
Mind you, at least he doesn’t do what I do and buy something I want myself and try and pass it off as a present for him.

I have been wanting a Singstar playstation game for ages, it’s really cool if you have the girlies round for a few glasses of wine and it comes with real microphones and everything so you don’t even have to use a hairbrush.
So Hubby ordered one for me on the sly and had it delivered to my parent’s house. Good plan, ha ha, until my da got hold of it!

Now I love my father to bits, love him, love him, love him but he is a typical Hebridean, straight of the croft, heather growing out his ears kinda guy. He’s not down with this modern (or as he says modrrrrren) technology lark.

I phoned home a couple of weeks ago
“Where’s Ma”?
(Now you have to imagine him in a heavy, thick drawn out hebridean accent rolling his r’s and exaggerating his vowels)
“She’s gone out, uh huh, she’s gone for lunch, lunnnnch! That’s a new thing in Stornoway”!!
Eh, he’s only been eating it for the last 55 years, but we have breakfast, dinner and tea in Stornoway. Lunch is Modrrren!!
The mans a nutter, but in a good way. He used to say that when they were younger if they wanted a bath they went for a swim in the loch. I think he was winding me up, at least I hope he was.

So he phoned me up at lunchtime the other day, “Now then, what’s this thing we have had delivered with microphones sing-star-play-station…….what’s this all about”?
At which point I started jumping up and down in the middle of the high street like a crazy thing “it’s my Christmas present, it’s my surprise Christmas present”!!
And then he realises what he’s done and tries to wriggle out of it, “What, what, a surprise, who told you about it”?
YOU did you numpty!!!

So poor Hubby, his surprise is ruined, ha ha! I hate surprises, hate them! It’s because I have no patience. I’m ok if I don’t know I’m getting a surprise but if I do I’m like a woman possessed until I find out what it is. I always peek at my Christmas presents, no self control whatsoever. It’s the same if I buy a present for someone, I’m always dying to tell them what it is, I’m all, “open it now if you want, go on, go on”

That’s why Hubby always hides my presents on me but this tine he is totally busted!
My Da’s a wee star!

My sister is having a baby and I am so excited about it!

My friend Sian had a baby last week, I went round to see him last night and he is absolutely gorgeous!!
He is so tiny and wrinkly and babyish, honestly you could just sit and cuddle him all day, and that baby smell, oh my goodness, there is nothing quite as delicious as the smell of babies! I don’t know what it is but they all have it, it’s like a mixture of soap, baby lotion, bunnies and fluffy clouds and it’s addictive. I was like a crazy woman last night…..”Got to sniff the baby……..got to sniff the baby”!!!!
I was holding him and he was just lying there asleep doing that cute thing they do when they wriggle about, make squeaky baby noises and pull faces and he was all soft and gorgeous and snugly so when I went home I was all babies, babies, babies, I want a baby, get me pregnant NOW!!!!!
And then I actually though about it and I realised I was acting crazy, if someone would just give me a baby then fine but I really don’t want to be carrying it around for 9 months and then the giving birth thing, no, no, no!
I do really want a baby, except, I don’t, except I do sometimes.

You kind of forget how tiny they are, it’s weird because looking at baby Joel last night he just looked so tiny but when Mini Man was born he only weighed 1lb 11ozs, he was born at 26 weeks and spent 3 months in hospital, we used to have to drive a 50 mile round trip every day, sometimes twice a day, to the nearest special care unit to see him and it was torture having to leave him and go home again.
It was pretty scary at the time but he was so lucky, he thrived and turned into a big fat jolly baby and now he is the tallest in his class (doesn’t get that from me)!
I remember looking at him in his incubator and you could see through his skin, he was so tiny that Hubby’s wedding ring would have fitted over his wrist and his pinky was thicker than his arms.

So I pulled out all the old baby pictures last night that I hadn’t looked at for ages and sat reminiscing and getting all sentimental and thinking just how lucky we have been and when he climbed into bed with me this morning I hugged him that wee bit tighter until he shouted “Get off mum, you’re killing me” and ran downstairs to watch Sponge Bob.

And now damn it, I want a baby…….…except I don’t……..except I kind of do….

We put the christmas tree up this morning and we are feeling very festive

But enough about that, look how cool my new boots are!!!

I do actually have 2 of them, honest.

I slept in this morning again! Honestly, Hubby has been away all week and I have managed to kick my sorry ass out of bed every morning no trouble whatsoever and then the morning he is back and getting up should be no bother because I have someone to kick my ass for me, I sleep in! What’s that all about?
Then I had to run around like a mad thing looking for something to wear and why is it you can never find anything when you are in a hurry? So now my nice tidy gleaming house that I spent ages cleaning this week is not so nice and tidy and gleaming anymore.

I didn’t have time for breakfast and Hubby was torturing me by talking about the massive cooked breakfasts he had every morning in his hotel.
I love cooked breakfasts and I love hotels, I love these buffet breakfasts where you can just go and help yourself and eat as much as you want. The last hotel I stayed in was on work training course was in Edinburgh and it was gorgeous, it had a stunning view of the castle but the breakfasts were rubbish.
It was one of these places where they just brought it to you all ready on the plate (rubbish) so you couldn’t go for seconds and all you got was 2 pathetic little slices of bacon, 1 egg and half a tomato (rubbish) and I was stuck here for a week! So I made friends with one of the waiters and snuck me a bit extra each morning, by the end of the week I was up to 3 eggs, 5 bits of bacon, a whole tomato and some potato scones. Result!

The time before that the hotel wasn’t so nice but the breakfasts were massive. The Grandparents graciously offered to babysit so Hubby came down for the last night and I had to sneak him into my room. I ordered room service in the morning so we could share breakfast and when the guy came up with it Hubby hid in the wardrobe, it was so funny. My face went bright red and my voice went squeaky and when the guy looked at the floor there was a pair of boxer shorts and men size socks right beside his feet, he just looked at me and you could practically see him thinking, “Oh aye, wee slapper”! I really wanted to open the wardrobe door and shout “It’s ok, it’s my husband, honest” but considering Hubby was crouched in there wearing nothing but a sheepish grin I thought best not to.

I know I’m banging on about hotels but this is so funny, I have to get this one in. One time I was staying in the Thistle in Inverness and when we were checking out my friend Karen kicked up a big fuss at reception because her bill was wrong. It was itemised as “B’fast” on her bill and she was yelling at them “Whats this, I didn’t have Buckfast! I might have been drunk but I know I didn’t have any Buckfast”!!! Turns out it was actually “Breakfast”. I was hysterical laughing and she was a wee bit mortified.

I actually ended up not being that late for work this morning, mostly because my hair is curly right now and it’s ace because you don’t have to spend any time on it. I haven’t brushed it for 2 days. Minger!

Hubby just called me from London. To tell me how much he misses me……..no. He called to moan about how he paid £5.30 for fish and chips and then said if I wanted him to bring me back a present he would nick me a shower cap from the hotel.

Mini Man moaned at me tonight because when testing him on his spellings I “say the words all wrong”. So shoot me for having a Scottish accent.

Honestly…….men!

I have applied for a new job, still in the same place just in a different department and it’s a lot more money. I really, really, really want this job! I’m kind of scared to think about it because I want it so much and I shouldn’t really talk about it because that might jinx it or something which is stupid because I don’t even believe in that rubbish, but you know, better safe than sorry!
I really, really, really want this job. There was no application form to fill in you just had to e mail personnel saying why you thought that you would be suitable for the post. I hate things like that where you have to rant on about how fantastic you are, I’m rubbish at it (Hubby said he found that hard to believe, smack for him!)

The interviews are being conducted by people I know which maybe is a good thing but then again maybe not because it is probably easier to talk rubbish to people you don’t know and will probably never see again of you don’t get the job anyway. I’m going to stop talking about this now. Except to say that it’s a big pay rise which would be fantastic but it’s not the reason I want it, the work would be so interesting and it’s kind of in the field I’ve always wanted to get into and I really am going to stop talking about this now because I’m getting obsessed. I do this with shoes too. I’m not even going to think about it anymore!

Hubby has gone away again! I’m going to forget what he looks like soon and I really need him to move the dead mouse that my cats have deposited on my back door step which I think I may have inadvertently stood on this morning before I saw it. I nearly threw up when I realised. I can’t touch it though, it’s just going to have to sit there until he comes back and I will have to use the front door which is a right pain in the ass because then you have to walk right round the house to get to the car but it’s better than having to look at a decomposing mouse corpse first thing in the morning.

Mini Man’s tooth fell out at school the other day, he probably pulled it out himself just for the cash, he is a right wee hoarder. He always has a stash of money and he always knows exactly how much he has, I could probably learn a thing or two from him.
He came home with it all wrapped up in tissue and I was emotional and upset because my baby’s baby teeth are all falling out and that means he’s not a baby anymore so I had a wee cry to myself because Hubby just laughs at me now. The first time Mini Man had a shower by himself Hubby found me in the kitchen in floods of tears because that’s my job to bath him because he is my BABY! Goodness knows what I will be like the first time he brings a girl home, you just know no one is ever going to be good enough.

BT might actually have my Broadband connected by the end of the week, yay!! We have only had 2 wait 8 weeks to get it but, hey, who’s counting.
I swear dial up is evil. Well it makes you curse a lot.

I am going to start writing Christmas cards and wrapping presents this week. If I don’t wrap the present now I will keep on buying and send myself bankrupt. I do the same thing every year, I panic that I haven’t bought enough for people so I buy more and more and then end up with far to much and I forget what I had bought in the first place.
Actually I have come up with this scheme, while Christmas shopping if I see something I quite fancy I tell him it’s for my sister or someone and then I just keep it, he forgets what I’ve bought anyway. It’s genius!
Hope he doesn’t read this (love you honey).

I have been really hyper this week because it’s nearly Christmas and I am going home in 4 weeks for New Year. I cannot wait! I’m gonna get my Da to make the biggest pan of chicken soup for when I get off the ferry, my Da’s a wizard with the chicken soup! I can’t wait to see everyone and to inspect my sisters bump plus it will be like a second Christmas because there will be loads of presents to open up there too.
Hopefully the weather will take a turn for the worse and all ferry sailing will be cancelled when it’s time to come back, mind you, then I would miss the January sales, hmmmmmm, stuck between a rock and a hard place!

I did the equivalent of sending a drunken text message and left a drunken message on my blog!!
All my friends know when I have been out because they wake up in the morning and there is message on their phone from me saying “love you, You’re great you are, I love you etc etc. Sometimes they can’t even decipher the thing at all depending on how many cocktails I’ve had. Needless to say I had quite a few on Friday!

The weekend has once again passed in a blur of shopping, getting a wee bit drunk and half heartedly attempting to do some housework and it’s sodding Monday again in the morning, Mondays should be banned.

Hubby is cooking me a massive steak in the kitchen and it smells GORGEOUS. I really have to go and eat this thing because pretty soon I’m going to start salivating on the keyboard. It smells soooo good……….

Oooooo am ver bery very drunk!!! Ha ha we loooove cocktails.

Love u all

kiss kiss XX mwah!!!!!

Yes, I know they are really boring but I’m bored tonight and I have to find some way of amusing myself so………..more photos.

Mini Man before his school disco earlier tonight

Mini Man when he came home from said disco feeling ill from to many sweets

Jessie Bell (the one who pees down the toilet). The nuttiest cat in the world

Me and Hubby are at war! I want a dog and he doesn’t. Selfish, selfish man.

We have 2 cats at the moment, Dizzy and Jessie Bell (or Jezebel depending on what mood she’s in).
Dizzy is Mini Man’s cat, she follows him around and goes to bed with him and then she hisses at you when you try and move her. Oooh, she’s evil that cat.
Jessie Bell is just a nutter, she is a massive ball of fluff and she pee’s in the toilet. She kind of perches on the edge, hangs over and wees down the toilet. Weird I know!

I do love my cats though, I even bought them both sparkly bling bling collars so they would look pretty but they didn’t like them, they just kind of looked disgusted and tried to yank them off! How ungrateful!

I have been putting the case forward for a dog for ages now and for a while there I thought I was close to cracking him, but no. I even did that thing where you pretend you’re really upset and look like you are going to cry and he still didn’t give in. I think that’s possibly because he has figured out this tactic by now so I’m going to have to think of something else. I’m not being manipulative, I’m being persuasive and that’s ok because if I was manipulating him then I would be making him do something that he really didn’t want to do whereas I am just making him realise that I am right, I have been right all along, he actually does want to do this and if he had just listened to me in the first place he would have saved himself a whole lot of hassle.

First I wanted a Yorkshire Terrier, then I wanted a Poodle, then it was a Pug and the other day I saw a picture of a Pekinese and I’ve changed my mind again.
Hubby did say if we got a dog he wanted a Boxer. Mmmm, maybe not. Boxers are nice and everything but they are just so big and you can’t call a Boxer Victoria, put a sparkly collar on it and stick a ribbon in it’s hair can you.

We had a discussion about it the other night and he came up with all these reasons why we shouldn’t get a dog which on the face of it seemed quite sensible but if you really think about it they were just stupid and then we were watching telly and some woman was going on about the Chinese year of the dog or something and then I switched channels and there on the screen was a woman….holding a DOG! Coincidence……I don’t think so. I told him it was a sign that we were meant to get one, it couldn’t be much more obvious really but he still didn’t get it.
Honestly, I love the man to death but he can be so dim sometimes.

He is really not budging on this one and I have just realised that if he reads this I have no chance but hey, you might have won the battle but the war is only just beginning honey!

I was e mailing my sis this morning, she still lives back on the island and I miss her so much. She is pregnant right now and is not keeping very well so it’s horrible not being able to give her a hug.

She is 5 years younger than me and an absolute wee star. She is tall, slim and gorgeous and when she walks it looks like she is floating. She got married a couple of years ago and she wore the most gorgeous red dress with gold celtic embroidery and she looked so beautiful it was almost like she wasn’t real.

When we were younger I used to look after her because I’m 5 years older but now we are grown ups (or supposed to be) she kind of looks after me. Sisters are funny because even if you don’t speak for a while there’s still this sister bond that doesn’t change, I kind of like knowing that there is this person who knows me so well and is kind of stuck with me no matter what.

When we were younger she used to nick my clothes and then when she got bigger I used to nick hers. Even now when I go home one of the first things I do is have a nosey through her wardrobe and she does the same to mine when she comes to visit, we are both kind of obsessed with shopping and it’s so weird because I have this strange thing that I do, when I fill a glass of water I fill it and empty it 3 or 4 times before I drink it and she does exactly the same thing, it’s bizarre!

Don’t get me wrong though, we are not one of these fluffy, gushy, everything is so perfect kind of sisters. She can be a right pain in the ass and I can be an even bigger one so we fight, we have some proper humdingers and we stomp around saying we hate each other (when I was about 10 she threw my Peaches and Cream Barbie ball gown on the fire, I have never forgiven her for that one) but we always make up.
I love her, she’s my sister.

I cannot wait for her to have that baby! I’m gonna be such a cool auntie!

I have decided to learn to cook, you would think that after 9 years of domestic bliss, or something like it, I would know by now, but no.
I spent last night looking at recipes on the internet because Hubby is back tonight and I wanted to surprise him and actually cook something he could eat without having to pretend to like.
There are loads of really delicious sounding recipes online and the photos of the finished results always look gorgeous but you just know they wouldn’t end up looking like that if I cooked them and they are also complicated! Why can’t they just speak English!
A fritter is like a potato, right? And how do you puree something? Is that like mashing it up? Why can’t they just say mash it up? And Rocket………What the hell is Rocket?

I am without a doubt the worlds worst cook, I admit it. Once, just after we got married, I cut up a lettuce and put it in a pan because I thought it was a cabbage. Hubby has never let me live that one down and he takes great pleasure in telling as many people as possible that story which kind of backfires on him because nobody ever believes him because in reality no one could actually be that stupid, right.
In my defence it was one of those funny looking wrinkly ones (is that Rocket?) so it was quite an easy mistake to make.

Another time when Hubby was away and my friends Ian and Maureen were staying with me I managed to set the oven on fire. Luckily Ian was there and he managed to extinguish the flames or I would have probably burnt the house down. He, being a man and handy to have around in an emergency, grabbed the smouldering oven tray and threw it into the garden which left a black square patch on my lawn for months afterwards.
I think what put the tin hat on it though was when Mini Man and his friend strolled into the back garden and his friend upon seeing the smoking pan on the grass gasped “what happened”? Mini Man just rolled his eyes and said “I think my mum’s been cooking again”. I swear I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

So after spending most of last night trying to decipher these stupid recipes online, phoning round my friends asking how to cook various things and trying to figure out what weird foreign sounding herbs and stuff I would have to but I just thought STUFF IT.
We are having a take away!

The weirdest thing happened the other day. Me and Hubby were in Debenhams, Oooo I love that place, it’s my happy place, anyway we were walking through the household section and I wasn’t really paying attention because I was checking out the Denby. I think Hubby was checking out the pans but he denies it. He has this weird fixation with pans, if he disappears he’s at the pans. I think he has a thing for the ones with the spot in the middle that changes colour, weird I know but hey.
Anyway, we are walking through Debenhams and there, on the floor, just sitting there, in the middle of the aisle was a DUREX!

I mean it was still in the packet and everything (urgh, I have this disgusting image in my head now) but this is Debenhams! There were old ladies about for goodness sake, the site of that thing on the floor could have given one of them a heart attack…… or a good laugh.
It was just sitting there, all square and blue and durexy. It’s not really what you expect to see amongst the crockery, it was just weird.

You can imagine the poor soul that dropped it, you would be mortified. How funny would it be if someone had picked it up, tapped them on the back and said, “You dropped this”. If that happened to me I swear I wouldn’t be able to leave the house for a week I’d be so embarrassed.
Once, my friend was in the queue in the supermarket and the girl in front of her dropped her bag and literally hundreds of them fell out, she had obviously just been and stocked up on freebies at the family planning clinic. The shame would have killed me.

So I got the giggles in the middle of Debenhams and we just stepped over it and walked off and now I feel guilty for just leaving it there but what if someone saw you pick it up. I suppose we should have pointed it out to a shop assistant but then they might have thought we dropped it and were to embarrassed to pick it up and my face would have gone bright red with the shame even though it had nothing whatsoever to do with me.
They might have thought I was nicking it. Imagine being done for shoplifting a Durex out of Debenhams.

Think it’s best I left it where it was!

It’s great having an 8 year old, it’s amazing what you learn.

For instance we don’t say “wicked” anymore, we say “wick”, as in “that’s wick man” and it’s so not cool to say “cool”, that’s definitely not wick, it’s so last year.
Sometimes you’re a “loser” emphasised with the L sign made with your thumb and index finger and if you’re having a really bad day you’re a double loser which means you qualify for the double L sign.
Being a loser is better however than being a “minger” for which you get the M sign made with both hands and which cleverly enough, if turned upside down becomes “whatever”.
The whole thing, in my opinion, is a bit Vicky Pollard (as in V to the P to the icky to the ollard, yeah but, no but, yeah but, whatever)

An 8 year olds favourite phrases are “in a minute” and “it wasn’t my fault”, these can be used in response to pretty much anything, if neither of these work they smile at you sweetly and say “love you”. This is the ultimate get out of jail free card and very effective.

8 year olds won’t kiss you goodbye in the morning if any of their friends are watching, 8 year olds hide the remote control so you can’t turn over Sponge Bob Square Pants, dirt is magnetically attracted to them, they hate getting their hair washed and they just won’t stop growing!

You will also find that an 8 year old has the most infectious smile in the world, when they laugh it’s like music and you can’t help but join in. They say the funniest things, they are refreshingly honest, they have the best kisses, the warmest cuddles and there is so much gorgeousness crammed in there you wonder where it all fits.

I can’t believe my baby is 8!!!!

Introducing Hubby

Who has gone away and left me (sob, sob) for 2 days which really just means I get the telly to myself and can stretch out and take up the whole bed if I want to.
I do hate it when he goes away though. Tip for all the girlies out there, don’t marry a man in the air force because they are never sodding there.
I get kind of restless and unsettled when he goes away, I think he kinds of dreads what I’m going to do because once he went away for a few days and he came back and the kitchen was this bright greeny kind of colour which he hated and ended up having to finish because I painted one and a half walls and then got bored. Another time he went away and I got a kitten. Usually I just go shopping and spend loads of money bit I don’t suppose there’s much damage I can do in 2 days.

We went to stay with the in-laws this weekend. Friday night we went shopping and get this, the shops stayed open until ten o’clock!! I don’t know whose idea that was but they deserve some kind of award. Pure genius!!!
Saturday night we went to an engagement party. It was one of these kind of things where you feel obligated to turn up but it’s kind of painful because you don’t really know anyone and you’re just waiting until you can go home again but you don’t want to be the first to leave so you sit and watch the door until someone makes the first move and then you just run for it. Except I cleaned out the buffet and then got hammered and didn’t want to leave.

We came home tonight and I actually managed to get some photos of Mini Man without him sticking his tongue out which he has developed a habit of doing lately (actually I think he might get that from me).

Then the aforementioned stupid cat was sick on my leather sofa!

Oooo! I was in a wee strop yesterday! But I’m all right today, I’ve got my mojo back, or something.

I’m going to the hairdresser at lunchtime, very traumatic but I have some major split ends in need of TLC. Going to the hairdresser has turned into an experience on par with going to the dentist because in a moment of madness in the hairdressers chair I went and cut all my hair off and then (you would think I’d learn) in another moment where I temporarily took leave of my senses I went and cut all these layers in and I HATE it. So I’m desperately trying to grow my hair and am now scared of the hairdresser.

I will go home sobbing and crying and Hubby will say “it doesn’t look any different” and then I will walk around like it’s the end of the world and wearing hats for the next week until I realise that it actually doesn’t look any different.

On a brighter note I actually managed to get hold of a PSP at the weekend, well Santa did. It’s for Mini Man’s Christmas present and they are so hard to get hold of, I have been trying for the last 6 weeks and everywhere is out of stock so I’m, feeling very smug that I got one. It’s like the holy grail of Christmas presents.
Hubby has been “testing” it every night since then. Once the coast is clear and everybody that should be in bed is in bed, it comes out of the box because he’s “just testing it”!! I think it’s safe to say we know it’s working by now. I think I’m going to have to hide it on him, usually it’s the other way round. Ha! Who’s the big, grown up responsible one now!!

I also saw this gorgeous watch that I want because you know, I just don’t have enough watches. It’s really shiny and blingy and although I did get a shiny blingy D & G one not so long ago it catches on your clothes so you can’t wear it with everything and that’s just a waste of money having a watch that you can’t wear with everything so technically, I would actually be saving money by getting this watch.

Are you listening Santa……………………….

……….if you don’t like it, don’t read it. Duh!! It’s not rocket science.

I seem to have started a wee discussion on cars of all things on my girlie blog so today, to balance the situation I am going to have a girlie rant about asses because I am actually slightly perturbed about this.

We went Christmas shopping at the weekend. I dragged Hubby kicking and screaming and bless him, he was good, he didn’t moan much but he did do that thing where he hovers in shops behind me repeating “hurry up, hurry up” over and over inside his head. No matter how much you telepathically will it, it’s not going to make me shop any faster.

So anyway, I was wearing my new skinny jeans and was feeling quite pleased with myself for 1) finding the perfect pair of skinny, fit into your boots without wrinkling round your knees type jeans, and 2) being able to fit into the stupid things in the first place, they are great jeans though if a wee bit tight, it’s kind of hard to sit down in them, but hey, who needs to sit down, you burn more calories standing up anyway. I was admiring them in the nearest shop window and I said to Hubby “do you like my new jeans? Do you think they make my bum look big”? And he looks at them and goes “I prefer your bum in your other jeans, it looks to small in these, it’s all squashed down to nothing”.

For a second, just for a second, I was quite pleased, wow, Hubby thinks I have a small ass! Then the enormity of what he had just said hit me.
I always ask him if my butt looks big in this, that and the other and he always says no but he usually gets this glazed look in his eyes so I know he is not really listening, but this time he was and he says it’s to small!!! What the………

For the last I don’t know how many years I have had an ass fixation, I have a round ass, I know it’s not what you would call a big ass but it’s not a wee cute flat one either. It’s my thing, I’m Nonny with the Jlo ass. Well maybe not on that scale but you know, it’s NOT a wee cute flat one either and now he is telling me that the last decade of worrying, working out (occasionally) and avoiding certain styles that I actually really like were for NOTHING!!!
I mean you just can’t win, first I think it’s to big and now he has got me thinking it’s too small. When did I reach that perfect in between stage and not know about it?

So I have decided to start thinking like a man, I’m going to get in touch with my masculine side because you wouldn’t you see a guy trying on 4 different pairs of trousers before going out to see which one makes their butt look best. You wouldn’t see a guy stand at a certain angle when getting their photo taken because it makes their butt look smaller and you wouldn’t see a guy harbouring a life long obsession with finding the perfect pair of jeans that shrink and lift their butt would you. No, I don’t think so.
And then they turn round and tell you your butt is too small. But you know what………what does he know anyway!!

Now he tells me it’s all in my head and my butt hasn’t actually changed shape or size in the last 10 years. It’s all in my head…..yeah, right, whatever.

Well………maybe…….

I have a guilty secret. I kind of like Top Gear. I always moan whenever Hubby switches it on but I secretly like it. I have no idea why because I have absolutely no idea about cars. I once blew up the engine on a car because apparently I had been driving around for a few weeks with a warning light on, well it wasn’t a very good warning light, they should put it somewhere you can see it and when I got my Peugeot a few years ago I couldn’t find the petrol light so I though that meant it was a diesel. Luckily I didn’t fill it up before someone enlightened me because I never fill the car up anyway because your hands always stink afterwards and the stupid pumps always click off on me because apparently I’m holding them at the wrong angle or something

Anyway, when Hubby turns on Top Gear I always huff and puff and make a big fuss but I sneakily pretend to be reading or something when really I’m watching it over the top of my book. I think it’s because they are quite funny and they always do stuff that looks really fun like remote control real cars and blow things up and drive off the end of boats and thrash cars and stuff. The Stig is my hero. Secretly.

The other day Hubby turned it on and that little man and the older one who is not Jeremy Clarkson were on the Isle of Lewis. They were driving a bunch of convertibles round the island because apparently Lewis has the least convertible per head ratio of any place in Britain. Well that’s because there’s not much call for them because of the constant hurricane conditions and all that. Trust me, I know! When I met hubby he had a Golf convertible. Nice car…...when the roof was up!

So they were driving all these cars around the island and admittedly they didn’t show very much of the place but I was still jumping up and down like a loony going “I recognise that cattle grid” and “I recognise that bus shelter” and even “I recognise those trees”!! Once you leave the actual town, trees are like gold dust on the island so yes, I actually did recognise those trees!
Then they showed some guy in a kilt tossing a caber and interviewed some random crofter about his sheep or something.

It made me really homesick but it did give an excuse to watch Top Gear.

Yay! It’s Friday afternoon, 2 more hours of work to go and them I’m out of here, unless I get really bored and then will finish at 4 and go shopping!
I’m off out tonight (yes, I know, again) with work. It just so happens that I work with a bunch of firemen. Damn!!
Oh well, it’s a hard life and all that……..