My Son thinks he’s…umm, well I can’t think of any names but he thinks he’s someone who can play the guitar really, really well. Slash! There you go, he was that guy with no face, just big hair a fag, wasn’t he.
Well anyway, my son thinks he’s Slash. He has his second guitar lesson today and he has been practising all week because it’s cool to play the guitar dontcha know.
When I was little I used to play the chanter which maybe isn’t up there with the guitar in the cool stakes but hey, I was 10 and living in Stornoway. What did I know.
Hubby used to play the trumpet and French horn and some other strange sounding thing. He always tells people “yeah, I was in a band” he just doesn’t tell them it was a BRASS band. Cracks me up!

So Mini Man had gone off to school this morning with his guitar all excited and hyped up and look at that, I have raised a musical genius because even though he has only had one lesson you can totally tell he’s gifted.
I’m not one of those pushy mothers but you know, get out there, use your guitar lessons that I paid for and earn me some money boy! Mummy wants to retire now!

Mummy also wants a yellow Punto cabriolet that I saw on the internet yesterday and to be honest I wouldn’t mind one of these Christian Dior lip gloss bracelets, hint, hint hubby, valentine’s days a’coming and you can never have to much lipgloss. (We had this discussion at the weekend about which luxury items you would take if you wee going to be stuck on a desert island and I said mascara and he just looked disgusted because he said a knife and a ball of string and so becuase he got 2 I got to choose another so I said lipgloss, ha ha, you can just picture him there rolling his eyes can't you).
Some Christian Louboutin black velvet sandals would be good and I also could do with a pink Motorola v3 because I’m fed up of my silver one.

Actually, its Hubbies birthday next month, he’s a nightmare to buy for, he never wants anything as opposed to me who wants everything. Opposites attract and all that. Must be true!

Hubby is coming home today (yay!!!). He is in his way right now. I keep texting him to ask where he is and he is about 5 miles further along the road than last time I asked him. No, no, I’m not annoying much.

Thing is I really need him to come home because a bulb blew in the lounge and it’s one of these funny shaped complicated thingys and I can’t change it. Also the car ran out of screen wash on Wednesday and now you can’t see out of the windscreen now and I couldn’t fill it up because I don’t know how to open the bonnet and even if I could where are you supposed to put it?
That makes me sound really stupid, I do know how to open the bonnet I just can’t do it. I know there is a button you press or a lever you pull under the steering wheel but it doesn’t open properly and then you have to stick your hands in and fish around for a little catch or something and I can never find it and your hands get all dirty and then you can’t close it so you have to drive around with your bonnet bouncing around all over the place and nobody wants that!
But anyway it doesn’t matter because Hubby is coming home (yay!).

I was being all grown up and responsible last night and doing homework with Mini Man, he was doing things with clock faces and writing the time and stuff and he always rushes through and doesn’t take time over his spellings and he started writing “clock” but missed the L out and I was all (in a grown up responsible tone of voice), “Look, you have spelt that wrong, you missed out the L, what would that spell”? And then I suddenly realised what I was about to make my child say so I had to change the subject as quickly as possible. I was running around shouting “never mind, don’t worry. Let’s have ice cream”.
Gees I’m a bit dumb sometimes, I just don’t think before I speak. It’s like the time we went to Belgium and got lost because I was navigating and trying to read a stupid French map (I cant even deal with normal maps how am I supposed to work French road numbers when each road has 2 different numbers and it makes no sense whatsoever!) and I said to Hubby “is there another road with the same name that goes in the opposite direction”? He nearly went off the road he was laughing so much and yeah, it was a silly thing to say but sometimes it takes a while for my brain to catch up with my mouth.

Ikea tomorrow, stroll on, Ikea is my happy place! It used to be Debenhams but now it’s Ikea. Love it, love , love it.

Right, here’s the thing, everyone I know is having babies. Well not everyone, obviously not the guys and not every female either because that would be weird and if that’s happening someone should be checking the water supply, but a lot of people I know are having babies, they’re just spitting them out like peas. Well, maybe more like melons, urghhhh,.
It’s making me broody, I think I want one. I don’t know, maybe I could just borrow one or something because the thought of child birth is making my eyes water and I really don’t want to get fat and have puffy ankles and stuff and I like my life right now and a baby just ties you down doesn’t it. But I remember thinking that the first time and then I didn’t mind being tied down in the slightest, in fact I kind of liked it.

Maybe it’s because the Wee Man is getting older and so independent and he made himself a sandwich the other night. A sandwich! Buttered the bread and everything all by himself and I have to admit I was a bit gutted. What purpose do I have in life if not to make sandwiches for my boy? What am I going to do when he stops needing me to choose what clothes to put on in the morning and his feet are nearly bigger than mine now and I swear in year or two, the way he is growing he will be taller than me. What am I going to do then? What about when he brings a girl home? He does now, he always has a little gaggle of girls following him around but I mean a proper girlfriend, man, I’m going to hate that bitch!

So maybe having a baby would help but then what will I do when that one grows up? Pop out another one? Maybe I should just get a dog.

I’m also slightly worried because according to my pc I’m a Ho! I got one of these e mail questionnaires this morning that measures how much of a slapper you are so I filled the stupid thing in and I got quite a respectable result and then I though “I wonder what it would say to me if I was honest”, so I filled it in again and it said I was 68% hoe and it called me a slut!
I think maybe I was to honest though and they were stupid questions like have you ever been unfaithful? Yes, when I was much younger and not married I might add. Have you ever exposed yourself in public? Well, yeah, but never on purpose.
In retrospect I think I am really only about 40 – 45% a slut which is ok because my friend Mel scored 40% and she’s practically a virgin and you know I have been married for 9 years so I am allowed to do it!

So far today I have eaten 2 slices of toast, a bowl of cornflakes, a caramel egg and half a sandwich and it’s only ten o clock. Yesterday, I pretty much consumed about 5000 calories and I still went to bed hungry. I can’t stop eating and by the time Hubby comes home on Friday I am going to be the size of a house and he will probably running screaming back to where he came from.

Feeling guilty about being such a little piggie yesterday I made the rash decision to start running again and texted Sian and Mel so that they would come with me and motivate me. Big mistake because I really can’t be bothered and now they are all up for it and I don’t want to go which really isn’t good because it was my stupid idea in the first place.

I used to be such a gym bunny and last summer I had killer abs. You can still kind of see them, just, they are there somewhere it’s just that I’m in comfort mode right now and the mere thought of exercise gives me palpitations. I mean I have been doing Pilates and stuff but I don’t suppose once a fortnight or whenever I can be bothered is doing much good really and you know, summers coming so maybe if I start thinking about it now I will managed to drag my sorry ass of the sofa by the time June comes.

I will get fit and I will stop eating rubbish and I will start running and go back to the gym.
I will, I will, I WILL!!!!!!!

I bought a Smoothie Maker this weekend. It’s the coolest thing ever! It’s for the wee man really because he just won’t eat fruit but stick it in a milkshake or a smoothie and it doesn’t touch the sides so I thought I would be clever and con him into consuming something vaguely healthy and it’s brilliant, the best thing I have ever bought…….because I’ve been making cocktails with it!
On Saturday night I made these gorgeous cocktails with oranges, carrots, vodka and apple juice and I swear they were so nice, they sound a bit minging I mean carrots and vodka! But they tasted gorgeous.
Then we made some others with apples and pears and Bacardi and they were really nice so we finished these and started on the bananas and produced some brown, vile looking concoction which I refused to drink because it honestly looked like someone had been sick in a glass.
I have actually used it for what it was meant for and I made some non alcoholic drinks in it also but I didn’t really like them. I am going in town at lunch time to buy some little umbrellas and cherries to put on sticks and stuff and I’m going to invent lots of drinks and make up names for them like Nonnywallbangers and suchlike.

I can’t believe its Monday morning and I’m talking about cocktails but I have gone a little stir crazy being cooped up in the house all last week, it was a novelty for me to come to work this morning and yesterday I got excited about a trip to Tesco.
I got so bored on Friday I cleaned out my fridge. When I told my Ma what I’d been up to the shock nearly killed her and then she got all excited and suggested I start on my cutlery drawer next and I was all “whoah, calm down”, I really don’t think I could have handled that much excitement all in one day.

So really I have nothing remotely interesting to say but that’s ok because I don’t mind being boring, I have turned into one of these people who bang on about what state my fridge is in and that’s fine. Really. I’ve accepted it and come to terms with it. I have turned into the dullest person I know.

Honestly, one week in the house and look at the state of me.

I am an awful vile mother because I have infected my son with this viral infection thing and he is still ill!
I swear our doctor thinks I’m some kind of hypochondriac, over protective, psycho mum because I have spoken to her 3 times this week, 3 times! I took him to see her Monday and she gave the usual it’s a viral thing, give him Calpol and lots of water blah, blah, blah, which I did and then on Wednesday he still wasn’t better and that’s like 5 days now so I phoned her and she was very patient and nice and told me the same thing again.
He’s been complaining about achey legs and this morning when he woke up he could hardly even walk and I had to carry him down the stairs, which is not a good idea because he is practically the same size as me even though he’s only 8, so I panicked and phoned the doctor again.
Wouldn’t you know it, by the time his appointment came around he is completely better and I’m explaining that he was honestly much worse this morning and I told her the carrying him down the stairs story and she asks him does it hurt now and he says “no” and just to demonstrate the point that his mother is paranoid and a bit nuts he does this little acrobatic jump thing of the examination couch and she’s looking at me like if she sees me one more time this week she’ll smack me or something.

And it’s all my fault because I was ill and I gave it to him and I’m a vile, horrible mother.

So I will have had a whole week of work which I feel terrible about but my boss is so lovely and when I phoned him up gibbering on about how I felt so bad about not being able to come in he was all “oh it’s ok, don’t worry at all” because he is a lovely, lovely man and I am never ever going to moan about my job ever again.

Look.....I'm so ill I can't even brush my hair and I've lost the will to put on make up...feel sorry for me...

I might be ill but at least I can still smile for the camera

My husband - in case I forget what he looks like!

I’m sooooo ill. I spent all day yesterday in bed vomiting and I mean really vomiting where it comes from the very pit of your stomach and you make noises that should never be made by a human being. My day consisted of bed….head down the toilet…..bed……head down the toilet……and so on. Nice.
Now I have passed it onto Mini Man so we are both lying on the sofa with blankets and a basin (just in case) feeling very sorry for ourselves watching sodding Sponge Bob Square Pants and Hubby is away! Don’t you just hate the air force, dontcha!!!!
His mum, bless her, drove up from Sheffield to stay the night and look after us. It’s like house of the living dead in here.

I never got the job so I was a bit disappointed on Friday but the guy who did get it apparently only has it in a temporary 3 month basis and they don’t think he will want it after that, so why give it to him I don’t know, it’s all very complicated internal politics mumbo jumbo so they want me to re apply in 3 months so I guess it’s not all bad news. The guys on the office told me they were glad I didn’t get it which I think they meant in a nice way, at least I hope they did, so that kind of cheered me up and then when I got home Hubby was waiting on me to surprise me and I got all excited and giddy and forgot all about being depressed until he lad to go away again on Sunday and I remembered I was depressed again.

On Saturday I found the best hairdresser in the world ever, she is fantastic and I could just hug her, the woman is worth her weight in gold and she is never allowed to retire or leave the country because I will hunt her down. Actually that makes me sound like a bit of a psycho, which I’m not. Honest!

That’s all I have to say today because I’m so ill I can’t type and I’m off, back to my sofa to wallow in self pity and watch rubbish tv.
Think I might be slightly high on a cocktail of Lemsip and whatever other drugs I can get my hands on.

My friend Deborah is coming all the way down from sunny Elgin to visit me at the end of February. She only told me this morning and I am soooo excited, I have planned the whole weekend already, nights out, shopping trips, total girlie bad behaviour and I cannot wait. I haven’t seen her for ages and she is an absolute darling little honeypot and I love her to bits.
We used to get into so much trouble together! She split up with her husband a while ago because he is an absolute horror and really nasty to her and I could just smack him because she is the nicest most genuine person you could ever meet and she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body (she’s a bit naughty though) (in a good way). Anyway, he makes me mad.
I can’t stand up for myself but don’t mess with my friends or I’m coming for you mate!

My interview went quite well I think. I spent ages reading up on ODPM stats and national guidelines and rubbish like that and they didn’t ask me one question remotely related to any of it. I did answer everything they did ask though. I find out tomorrow but I have found out who the other candidates are and they are so much more experienced than me so I doubt very much I’m going to get it.
Good job Hubby is back tomorrow, I will have someone to moan and complain to.

I have only just managed o trawl through and reply to all the e mails waiting for me on Monday morning when I got back to work. I had about 80 of the flipping things and maybe 15 o so were work related.
It’s a good job I work in the IT department or I would probably get sacked for abuse of the e mail system.

Oh my goodness, Lost, last night!!! I don’t think I can wait till Spring. Seriously, I’m not known for my patience and I am completely addicted to Lost. Last night was pure genius, I need to know what was in that hatch.
It was on for 2 hours and Hubby kept phoning me in the middle of it. He was all “I’m just phoning to say goodnight” and I was all “can’t speak now, bye”
So, he phones back, “What’s up”
“Nothing, I just can’t speak”
“Why”?
“Umm, I’m doing something really important”
Silence……
In a slightly annoyed tone, “you’re watching Lost aren’t you…..”
Duh, of course I was, it was the last 2 episodes, what on earth else would I be doing. You would think he would know better than to interrupt!

I have the stupid interview tomorrow at half one. I brought home loads of stuff tonight to read up on so I would sound as if I actually knew what I was talking about and you know what I have done……diddly squat. Well that’s not strictly true I did an hour of pilates (and boy, don’t my thighs know it) and then ate a pizza whilst watching Holby City, oh and then The OC came on and it’s the first of the new series so I had to watch that too so now I’m going to be up until goodness knows when panic reading.

Apparently there is a list of words you get points for if you work them into your answers. I’ve just had a look at it and it’s all evaluation, initiating, establishing contacts blah, blah blah.
How am I going to work these in……?
“So, what are your hobbies”?
“Well, I establish contacts quite a lot and I also enjoy evaluating and initiating…..”
I don’t think that’s going to do it somehow.
I’m just not going to think about it. But then I think about not thinking about it which kind of defeats the purpose. Plus everybody keeps texting me saying good luck for tomorrow which is lovely but just makes me think about it more and then I’m thinking “stop thinking” and I have to go eat ice cream or something to take my mind of it.

Hubby is away again, for 3 weeks this time although he may get time of for good behaviour and get home at the weekend. My ma keeps phoning to check if I have eaten and remembered to lock my doors.
As if I’m going to forget something like that, all I’ve done for the last 2 days is eat.

Good grief, its half past ten and I haven’t read a damn thing.

I came back to work today, what a kick up the backside that was! But it’s not all bad, I found out I have an interview on Wednesday for the job I applied for before Christmas which I really really want but am scared to think about because I want it so much and I’m quite chuffed I even got an interview but I’m not going to talk about it because then I won’t get it and it will be all my own fault for being so cocky and smug. But I really really want it!!

I had such a good time at home a week just wasn’t long enough, I just wasn’t ready to leave. It’s such an amazing feeling travelling across the Minch on that ferry knowing I’m going to see all my friends and family and just dying to hug everyone and it’s so funny because when I get there it’s almost like I have never been away. You just kind of drift back into island life, it’s so laid back and special and comforting, the place kind of envelopes you and it’s like sinking back into a pile of fluffy clouds and you just hide away from the rest of the planet and your enclosed in this little world and protected and stupid things like budget figures and stats and IT problems that nobody cares about can get you.

In a way it’s weird because although everything is the same things change as well but you notice it more because you don’t see the changes happening and I don’t want it to change, I want it to always be the way I left it. People get older, houses get built, babies are born and it’s kind of sad because I’m not there to share in these things, everyone is getting on with their life and I’m missing out on so much. Next time I go back home my sister will have had her baby and I want so much to be there with her but I can’t and my family won’t be the same again because there is going to be another little person there and although this is wonderful it’s like the end of an era in a way.

I remember once when I was a wee girl saying to my mother that when I grew up I wasn’t going to get married so she wouldn’t get old and that’s sort of how I feel now. It’s my island and I want it to stay the way I left it. I want my folks to always be there, I want my baby to stop growing so fast and I want to stay enclosed in my wee bubble for ever.

I cried buckets when it was time to leave. I cried the night before because I was dreading the morning, I cried all the way to the ferry port and I cried all the way across the Minch. I wanted to get some photos of the town from the ferry but my stupid camera battery was flat so that made me cry even more and by the time we had reached Ullapool and I had actually stopped crying I saw a little girl getting into the boat saying goodbye to her father and she was clinging to him and sobbing and she kept running back for one more hug and it was awful so that set me off again and I cried all the way to Inverness. It’s quite funny now when I think about it but I was a wreck, my eyes were so red and puffy I couldn’t see properly for the rest of the day and I gave myself a headache!

What a muppet!

This is us in the car all excited and ready to go, half an hour after this was taken I was asleep in the front and Mini Man was in the back singing along to Kenny Rogers
"Show me a bar with a good looking woman
Then just get out of my way......."
I know, I know, it's all my fault!

This is Me, Mairi and Maureen, some of my oldest and bestest friends. They still live in Stornoway and I just don't get to see them enough. We had been out to dinner to one of these all you can eat places and boy did we eat!

Me and Hubby slightly tipsy on New Years Eve. I think at this point I was saying "I love you, I really. really love you", and I do of course but you know, I tell everyone I love them when I've had a few.

My Ma with Mini Man, she's looking no bad for 56, I really hope I've inherited her skin.

Mini Man with The Twin Terrors (our cousins), they look like little angels but they totally kick hell out of each other. They're gorgeous.

I am still tucked away on my wee island but I have just remembered that there is still a big wide world out there so I just want to say Happy New Year to everyone, I hope y'all have a fantastic 2006 and thank you all so much for entertaining me with your blogs last year.
I unfortunatley have to return to reality on Friday, tears and tantrums whilst being dragged onto the ferry, so I will be back to bore you with my rants and drivel.
Hugs to all.
Nonny
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